Facebook: Mommy’s Friend or Worst Rival

It has been forever since I blogged.  I intend to do it every day, but push it off behind work, chores, kids and all my To-Do’s.  And, I confess, it always comes in a distant second to my favorite procrastinator…Facebook.

I LOVE Facebook.  When I first started my account, I thought it was a colossal waste.  I only set up a profile so I could be friends with my husband and see what the hype was.  With each passing day and the thrill of more friend requests, I became addicted.  In the beginning, I laughed at people posting “Eating lunch” or “Took a nap.”  I mean, really, did they think we cared to know every intimate detail of their day?  I aimed to keep my posts light and general.  I was sure most didn’t care to hear everything I was doing and I was fine being a Facebook mystery.

I did, however, find myself anxious to know what friends were doing and couldn’t wait to read their posts.  As I read, however, odd emotions flooded my senses.  I would read their happenings and feel happy, sad or ambivalent about my own life.  My friend list quickly grew to include many who were moms.  One day as I read other moms’ postings, I felt huge emotions of inadequacy, stress and ineptitude at motherhood.

I work from home, I only have two kids and a husband and I thought I was being a pretty good mom and wife and balancing it all.  But then Mary posted that she makes her own baby food…oh no, I gave my kids jarred food and processed mac ‘n cheese today.  Jessie posted photos of her 2-year-old at Disney…my kids haven’t even been to the local fair.  Rhonda just did a scrapbook for each of her four kids and is now on a date with her husband…my daughter’s photos haven’t been printed since birth and the last date I had with my husband was at Chili’s with a kid on each of our laps.  Thank you Facebook for showing me what a colossal failure I am as a mother.  I guess I better start a therapy fund for my kids.  They are going to need someone to tell them they were loved as children because I am not cutting it…at least that is what Facebook is telling me.

In a world of overly competitive moms, Facebook can be an evil, soul crushing machine.  It is human nature to compare ourselves to others.  When we think we don’t measure up to other’s standards and actions we feel like failures.  So what is a mom to do?  First, if you are using Facebook, remember that, in my opinion, about 90% of the posts are glorified and sensationalized to make you feel bad and them feel great.  You don’t see many posts saying “Forgot to buckle my kid into her car seat as we cruised the freeway” or “Made my fifth trip to McDonald’s because I don’t feel like cooking.”  Those moms boasting about homemade crafts and baby food are as insecure as the rest of us and looking to others to hype them up a bit.  It is like high school where the bully is the one who is the most insecure at home.

Another thing to keep in mind is that Facebook is good for moms.  It lets us ask advice from moms everywhere when a kid is sick or we need some reassurance.  Facebook and other social media are a connection and every mom knows after being home with only a two-year old to discuss the world’s events with, that we need our friends and we need our community support.  But, we also need honesty.  Next time you go to post something on Facebook, go the fresh route and lay it all out there.  I for one have been known to post such things as “Over my kids and over my husband…calgon take me away.”  Afterall, a little honesty never hurt.

Post wisely and post honestly and Facebook can be our greatest resource.  Happy networking.

 

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