Drowning

So judging by the fact that my last blog was over a month ago, I think it is safe to say that I am crazy busy these days.  Busy doesn’t even touch how I am feeling…

My name is Tina.  I am a mom, wife, business owner, employee and world-class multi-tasker.  I am also drowning in my life.

Today, I am breaking down the walls and admitting to the world in this very public forum what I suspect many moms are feeling right now.  I am stretched too thin and over committed.  I am spinning in so many directions I don’t know the top from the bottom or anything in between.  I am being truly honest not to be saved or pitied.  I am admitting this ugly truth for one simple reason; to let all the moms drowning in silence know they are not alone.

As moms we are amazing.  On the surface, we make it look so easy as we juggle a million balls in the air without breaking a sweat.  But we are also a very harsh creature who quickly prey on the weaker of our species and tear them up if signs of inferiority appear.  Heaven forbid we admit we need help, can’t volunteer for something or worse yet, step away to take a moment for ourselves.  The instant one of our own does this; the others in the species quickly pounce and label them as the worst label…a bad mother.

Why are we so destructive to our gender and fellow moms?  My theory is if we see another mom falter, it secretly makes us feel better.  If they crumble and we are still standing (no matter how precariously), then we are at least better than someone.  Find enough moms to judge harshly and suddenly we are feeling pretty good.  And at the very least we feel like we aren’t the only ones failing at this moment.  My guess is even the kindest moms judge others.  We are all creatures who want to feel good and this is one way we can easily have a bit of pride in ourselves…albeit at someone else’s expense.

Personally, I can put on a pretty good act around others and look like I have it all together.  I often find myself trying to be super mom to prove to the outside world that I have my stuff together and to ensure I’m not judged as a bottom feeder bad mom.  Yes, a lot of times I find myself taking on extra tasks and putting on Oscar worthy performances to please others, but I am also my own worst critic.  Working from home creates guilt for me.  I feel like I don’t ever stop working and don’t enjoy those little moments with my family.   A lot of the harshest judgments I get are from myself.  Many nights I go to bed thinking I should have done this or that with my kids instead of doing work.  Then after I finish that thought, I feel I should have worked a bit more today too.  It is an impossible balance between work and family.  No matter what super hero tasks I complete and what things I do, I still feel like I am failing and drowning in the pressure and workload.

So what can be done?  First to my fellow moms, let’s stop being fake.  Admit when you are drowning.  If we are all a bit more honest than we can stop judging each other so harshly.  If the criticism stops, we can be free to be the parent we want to be.  No two families are alike and neither should our approaches to parenting.  Follow your gut, be who you want to be and stop being so harsh on yourselves.  Be happy, the time flies to quickly not to be.

With that said, I am going to probably keep over committing myself and being involved, but I won’t do it to put on a show.  Instead, know that I am doing it because I love it and I will be the first to tell you when to throw me that life-preserver.

 

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